To pee or not to pee.

Those who have gone through the IVF process know that it's not a fast moving event.  For surrogacy it can be even slower.  It seems like a constant waiting game.  Waiting for appointments, waiting for tests, waiting for those results and then waiting for a transfer date.  Once the transfer actually takes place the longest wait of all begins...the two week wait!

Our transfer was on February 15th at 10am.  Two embryos with some great grading were implanted by the wonderful Dr M at the Montreal Fertility Clinic.  He sent us on our way and said that our first Beta would be on February 24th, 9 days after transfer.

So then the dilemma begins.  Should I test at home?  What if it's negative?  What if it's positive?  I asked the IP's if they wanted me to wait.  They said test at home but don't tell us unless there is good news to share.  So of course, impatient me tested on day 5 after transfer.  I used a Clearblue test and got the most faint squinter I have ever seen.  I went out that morning and picked up a two pack that included a digital test.  Exactly 5 days to the hour after transfer I tested again.  With the word YES staring back at me I was so excited to contact IM to tell her the news.

The testing didn't stop there.  On the 23rd,  IM messaged me asking if I had tested again.  No, I hadn't....one positive test was enough for me.  Knowing that she wasn't completely convinced yet, out I went to get more tests.  This time the line was there but lighter than the one from days earlier.  Holy stress!  Was something wrong?  I tried to tell myself that positive is positive but after doing some searching on the Internet I found there could be reasons for the lighter line.  Google is not my friend!
It was suggested to me that I test again later that afternoon.  I followed that suggestion and sure enough the line was darker this time.  That's it!  No more testing for me....I can't handle the stress of pink lines.

The next morning...9 days post transfer I headed to the lab for my first Beta.  When the call finally came in the next morning....see more of that waiting game, the results were exactly what we had hoped for.  Beta was 180.  I went again on day 11 for the second Beta and again we received some great results....423!

I am pregnant!

After 10 years of disappointment my IP's have finally heard what they have longed for.  They are going to be parents.  Next week I have my 6 week ultrasound to see if there is one or two in here. Then the fun of the next 9 months as he/she/they grow.

Thank you to all who have supported me through this and for sending your sticky vibes....it worked!  Thank you to my husband who has been giving me my injections each night and to my sister in law who did it in a pinch this weekend.  I think she was looking forward to finally jabbing a sharp object into my body!  lol

That's all for tonight....I need to hunt down some ice cream!

Patience is a Virtue

Well, we have gotten the ball rolling.  As usual it's not rolling as quickly as I would like but that's the way it is in the surrogacy world.

We are in cycle right now.  I'm on 6mg of Estrace per day.  Just waiting for the green light to start the Progesterone injections.  Fingers crossed that will be next week.  If all goes well I think we'd be looking at a transfer around Feb 11-14th.

More updates to follow.

On The Road Again

I thought I would get metaphorical with the title of this post.  When in truth, there are two meanings to it.

#1 I am on the road of this journey with my new couple.  Contracts are signed and the ball is starting to roll...albeit...slowly.  I'm in the right place and the right time.  People always say that things happen for a reason but I truly understand it this time.  IM and I have a great relationship and I am so excited for them.  I can't wait for them to be parents!

#2 I am physically on the road today as I travel to Montreal to the clinic for testing.  I am required by the clinic to have a Sono done to make sure all is okay since the miscarriage in September.

Once I get the all clear we will start with mock cycles and medications.  At this point we are hopeful for a February transfer date.

Still Waiting for my Happy Ending

So the past month has been a busy one.  After I dealt with the heartbreak of losing the surro pregnancy I decided that I would carry on and try another transfer.  That was my original plan.  I felt horrible for my IP's.  I have never dealt with loss while carrying for another couple.  I've dealt with my own losses and I knew how to handle that.  I knew how to move on.

I had to wait for a week and  a half before I could get in for the D&C.  And like with everything else in this pregnancy, that didn't go as planned either.  On the morning of the D&C I was rushed by a friend to the ER.  Meds that I was given the night before had caused hemorrhaging.  I was lucky to have JL take me when she did.  They figured I had lost over a liter of blood and was very close to needing a transfusion.  They quickly had me in a room and hooked up to machines.  My surgery went two hours later than originally booked but I woke up from it feeling so much better.  The next morning I was my old self again.

The relationship with my IP's felt a bit strained after the miscarriage. I'm not sure if either party knew what to say to the other.  I've been in their position of loss before so I could relate to that, but I couldn't relate to the loss through a surrogate. Their hopes and dreams were riding on me.  So, with the advice of my OB I decided to part ways with the couple.  In the opinion of my Doctor, another loss was very possible and I needed to decide if that was something I wanted to risk.  I decided that I would move on.  IM and I had a conversation where I expressed how I felt and with no hard feelings we wished each other well.  I hope all the best for them and hope that they see their dream of a child fulfilled.

Back in April when I was looking for a couple I met a A and B.  I knew when I met them that they were a great couple but they were in the province of Quebec and I chose at that time to go with the local couple.  Intended Mom A and I kept in touch this entire time.  She's a truly wonderful person and I'm so happy to call her my friend.  I had promised them that I would help to find their surrogate.  I also promised that if we couldn't find one I would be their surrogate next year when I finished the journey with the local couple.

A few months sooner than planned but I am now working with A and B and I couldn't be happier for them.  They have known nothing but heartache along their journey to become parents.  Including when I chose another couple over them originally.  A says I need to stop apologizing for that.  I will one day I'm sure.

So here we go again! We started the contract portion today.  Got in touch with the lawyers and will tweak my contract.  Files have been sent to the Fertility Clinic in Montreal where I will need to go for the transfer.  As always I will continue to update everything here as it happens.

One last thing....a big Thank You to Jessie who took my to the hospital and sat with me for hours.   Thank You to Kate who hung with me in the downgraded side of the ER...you missed the cushy room....and waited while I had surgery.  To my husband Mike who left work to sit next to his wife who was pregnant for someone else.  Not many men would be as supportive as my husband is.  Thanks babe!   Lastly to my family, friends and readers who checked in on me....I appreciate all of you.

Finding Strength

Honestly I never imagined this moment.  I thought once we had a positive pregnancy test that 9 months later my IPs would have their baby.  I will admit that this has been a bumpy pregnancy but as we walked into the hospital for the ultrasound this morning we were talking about how all the previous stuff will just be behind us.  I was almost 10 weeks and we could focus on their growing baby.

Why wouldn't we think that way?  Over the past week I've been nauseous and event started to show.  So when the ultrasound showed a 7 week fetus with no heartbeat we were shocked and crushed.  I was stunned.  My heart went out to the couple who sat next to me in tears, their dreams gone.

I sat quietly in the backseat of the car while IF drove towards my house.  I didn't know what to say to a couple who was mourning together.  It wasn't until I walked into the quiet of my home that my emotions took over and I broke down.  I am so sorry that this has happened to them....to us.   As I hugged IM goodbye I told her that I was there for them  and I meant it.  Whatever their decision is for their future journey I will be there for them.  If they want to try again I will be their surrogate if they want me.

Now I wait for my doctors office to call back with a D&C date.  The clinic told me there is a wait time for it so I hope it's not too long.  I was also informed that I can stop all medications today as well.

I am lucky to be surrounded by people who love and care for me.  Even though this is not my biological baby they understand that I am tied to it and the couple and that I mourn the loss as well.  I love that JL came by to give me a hug even when I said I didn't need it.  I really did need it and she knew it.   And my neighbour Stephanie knows me well enough that when she saw me in the school yard this afternoon could tell something wasn't right.  I take comfort in their hugs and their kind words.

For those who follow this blog and those who will read it via FB, I thank you too.  I know you take an active interest in this journey and hope for the best for all.   I will continue to post as we come through this grief and move on in the future.

Smoother Please!

As I had mentioned before, the last couple weeks were a little tense.  Fluctuating hormone levels and a threat of a tubal.  A few extra trips to the clinic and a couple more needle pricks to the arm (and now my butt), and we were in the clear....or so we thought.

Yesterday saw us rushing to the clinic with the dreaded thought that I was having a miscarriage.  Cramp-like pains and bleeding.  It was hard not to think the worst.  As soon as the bleeding started I called the clinic and pushed for an emergency ultrasound.  Within an hour my IP's and I were in the ultrasound room full of worry.

I guess this is going to be another pregnancy of firsts. This is the first time that I have had implantation bleeding.  That's what we were told by the tech.  There is a pocket of blood next to the embryonic sac.  My body is trying to get rid of it and that's what the cramps were.

Baby P was floating around, happy as a clam.  There was a strong heartbeat of 113 bpm.  It was so nice to see that flutter on the screen....even if I had no clue what I was looking at.  You would think that with this being pregnancy #5 I can decipher baby parts, but all I see is snow on a TV.

Needless to say the car ride home was much more pleasant than the drive to the clinic.  We even got Dairy Queen!!!

Next week we have another ultrasound and appointment with the fertility doctor.  This will be when we are released from the clinic and go to my OB after that for prenatal care.

Grow Baby Grow

After last week and the scare of a tubal pregnancy we thought we were in the clear when we saw Baby P on the ultrasound.  We were wrong.  We have since has the worry that my Progesterone levels were continuing to drop and we may be facing the start of a miscarriage.  After my blood work on Tuesday my Progesterone levels were are 17 and I was instructed to switch from the suppositories to the intramuscular injections.

It's been three stressful days.  I went for more blood work today and my Progesterone is back up to 40 and my HCG has doubled again to over 18000.  What a relief for everyone!  The clinic is confident that we are out of the woods and can now concentrate on cooking a healthy baby.

I will remain on the intramuscular injections until the end of the first trimester.  I will have a sore backside but it will be well worth it.  I'm very lucky to have an amazing husband that administers the daily injection even though it really hates doing it to me. 

This is what it looks like when I get ready for an injection.  Two types of needles; one to pull the meds and the other to inject.

I would like to send a huge thank you out to all the well wishers, prayer warriors and friends who have been sending us their thoughts, prayers and love this week.  It's amazing to feel the support from everyone who is sharing this journey with us.  Thank you.